Watching loving humans, is there anything better?

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Recently I was having a great week. I felt good. A good week for me is usually in the balance of giving myself time, space, and grace, as well as getting things done and blessing my home, family, friends, and myself. I felt I was in all those and doing pretty well. 
Then on that Friday I just felt a kind of emotional collapse, or vacuum. Nothing triggered it, I just woke up with a dark cloud around me. 
This wasn't depression. I know what depression looks like, and feels like for me. Oh boy do I know. But it was a blue day. I told the kids that I just felt like I needed time in my bed, and time to myself. I was having a blue day. I just spent the day giving myself grace. Not over analyzing, but analyzing a bit. What did get me here today?
No answer.

When my girls got home from school all the kids ran up the stairs to see me. In my room Cora (the second to the youngest) told me how she won something at school, and she decided to give it to Mercedes, and she'd gotten something else and gave it to Buddy. Rowan had something special from school as well, and decided to give it to Cora for being so kind. Now three of the four kids had gotten something special from the others. I was already beaming because of their kindness and generosity. Then Cora ran to her room and grabbed one of her toys and gave it to Rowan, who didn't have anything. All the kids were smiling and beaming. So filled with the Spirit of generosity, love, and family.
Through my giant smile I started crying tears of love and joy, and such gratitude. I'll never forget this level of joy. This was love. This was family. This was community. This was God. 

In a moment I realized that this is what God loves most. I believe I was meant to have a blue day, to understand God's complete feeling of fulfillment and joy, when he sees his children loving each other and making sure that no one is left out. I needed the contrast to see it best. When my kids bring me a picture they made, or a gift, I am grateful and I love it, but it is nothing compared to the joy of seeing them love each other.

In the book the Pearl of Great Price you'll find Moses chapter 7. In that chapter is recorded when Enoch was in a vision, and then came to God looking upon the people of Earth and weeping. In total shock Enoch asks how this is possible. God is eternally powerful, He is holy, He has creations without number, He is a just God, merciful, and kind. His home is full of peace, justice, truth, and mercy, and have no end. How could he weep??

God says to Enoch "Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency; and unto they brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood."

God was weeping because His children chose misery and hatred over loving each other. As He is the God of Love they/we need to choose Him to love each other. Was God perhaps regretting giving mankind their agency here? Perhaps, but probably not in the way we might think. He doesn't want to control us, he wants us to be happy. Do I sometimes wish that my children would just shut up and do as I say? Kind of, but not really. Because I want my children to choose what brings them love and joy, but I don't want my children to be robots. I want them to be themselves and to have free will to choose. I want them to choose joy and love! But even if I could, I would never force them to. God maybe regrets that we choose misery and hatred with the very agency He gave us, but without that agency we could not choose love either. We could never be like Him, a being of light and love, without our agency. He loves us too much to take away that privilege, even if we deny it to ourselves quite often. 

As I saw this exchange in my children I realized how much more I need and want to serve my family, my human family. My brothers and sisters in my sphere, and everywhere if possible. Sure, the gifts I try to give to God are great, but to make his JOY FULL, I am going to love my brothers and sisters and try to make sure they're all included. 

~Crystal

Painting by Ira Thomas



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